Shame and Blame

I made this image as part of my recovery. I made a series of pencil sketches trying to express my feelings.

This one is all about the sorrow, rage and shame bursting out after I had left the relationship.

Being trapped in abusive relationship hurt not only me but had a devastating ripple effect across both my immediate and extended family and friends.

It felt like in allowing Mr D into my life I had birthed a monster. That I was responsible for the consequences of Mr D’s actions.

Part of me understands that I am not to blame for what Mr D did. While I was with him he would tell me that his abuse of me was my fault and on some level I have absorbed that. When I talk about what he did I crawl with shame inside that I somehow permitted it.

Mr D deceived me, manipulated me, abused me and yet I am the one who feels ashamed?

It’s easy to blame the survivor for not leaving the relationship sooner or for getting stuck in one in the first place. But that way of thinking underestimates the terrible emotional and mental hold an abuser gains over the abused. No one goes into a relationship with someone they think is going to lie to them and hurt them.

Being honest and being able to express my feelings through art has helped me better understand them. And ultimately with help and support I believe I will be able evict that last vestige of guilt and shame Mr D had slid into my head. ~Ann